5. Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.
The best birthday I’ve had was actually my most recent one, when I turned 18. It was the weekend before prom and my friend Brian bought me this cute little herb garden starter kit, and he even included catnip seeds for my kitty and gave me ten bucks in Starbucks money. I skipped prom because that shit fucking blows and went to California with my parents and one of my best friends and we went shopping and hung out at the beach for the weekend. Senior year sucked but my birthday was definitely one of the highlights.
11. Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.
I really hate talking about my good dreams because I don’t want to jinx them. If I talk about the dream, I feel like it won’t come true (because I’ve found that the same is true with my bad dreams). I will say though that a lot of my better dreams still have some nightmare-y parts in them. I’ve never had and all around good dream. I don’t know if that’s normal or?
24. Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.
Whenever anyone tells me I’m beautiful or pretty it honestly means the world to me. I grew up hearing classmates and even friends call me fat and ugly so I’ve always thought that it was true. It’s gotten better recently but I’m still a little anxious when it comes to my body image, so whenever anyone, whether it be a close friend or a complete stranger, tells me that they think I’m pretty, it honestly makes me feel so wonderful, like none of the shit that happened to me in the past matters, because it really doesn’t.
38. Talk about certain songs that remind you of certain people.
The song Honeybee by Steam Powered Giraffe reminds me of my best friend Lauren because she was the one who introduced me to it. It’s a very calming and sweet song.
Anything by Coldplay reminds me of my other best friend Natalia. Coldplay is her favorite band in the entire universe and a lot of their music itself reminds me of her personality. She’s thoughtful and beautiful and she always gives me new perspectives on things, not to mention she makes me feel alive and happy, just like Coldplay’s songs do.
Cruise by The Florida Georgia Line reminds me of my friend Aubrey. She loves country music and before I moved we used to drive around our shitty little town in Arizona in her truck listening to this song and singing it at the top of our lungs.
Want U Back by Cher Lloyd (who personally I really hate but this song is catchy as fuck) reminds me of a crush I had
(still kind of have) in high school. He dated this totally awful girl who used to bully me in Girl Scouts and she ended up cheating on him, and he became single a week before I moved across the country. He was never the guy I thought I’d end up liking but I liked him a lot, and now that I’m far away from him I really wish I could still talk to him and see him every day like I did in high school. I miss him.
This last song is going to be hard to talk about.
A month after graduation, one of my friends committed suicide. We were never very close but I knew that she was one of the most wonderful people I had in my life, and when I was feeling like I couldn’t go on anymore her kindness was one of the reasons I had to stay alive. She was always cheerful and happy and never held any of her love for people back. She thought I was hilarious and we’d always joke with each other when we saw each other in the halls. I held her hand at graduation when we were waiting to walk out to the field and the way she looked at me, like she was so happy and proud of me, of all of us… I honestly wish I could have that moment back so I could just cherish her presence in my life. I never knew she was depressed, but if I had known I would have done everything in my power to save her. I loved her, despite the fact that we were kind of distant.
Long before all of this, I watched P!nk on Storytellers and she talked about how the song Who Knew is about one of her friends who died of an overdose when she was in high school, and how it had personal meaning for everyone who listened to it, including herself. Now every time I listen to it, I think of my friend because it is exactly how I feel for her. I will never, ever forget her and I know in my heart that she will always be with me and everyone else she touched. She was an amazing person and it absolutely tears me apart that she isn’t here anymore.